Why would you want a degree in music?

At the risk of sounding like a jaded old fart, why WOULD you want a degree in music? Here are your career choices:

Professional player/conductor/composer/arranger

Public School Teacher

University Professor

That’s it. I’ll go over these one at a time, starting from the bottom.

UNIVERSITY PROFESSOR

First of all, you better be prepared to spend MOST (if not all) of your 20’s in school. NO college in the US will even consider your application without a PhD, or a DMA. Unless you’ve spent most of your life playing with the Canadian Brass, or the Julliard String Quartet, you’ll need the doctorate.

Plan on starting your career with almost $100,000 debt. Unless you are one of the fortunate few that can secure a free ride for your ENTIRE university career, you will have incurred some debt for tuition, lessons, materials, housing, and the like. $100,000 is not unreasonable in 2011.

Check into the pay. With SO many doctorates out there LOOKING for work, colleges don’t really have to pay much. I know of a recent opening for a university band director job that received over 150 applications. No PhD, or DMA, the apps were trashed. I know what the pay offer was. A public school teacher with 15 years service, with a BA +30 pays more. Recently, a good friend of mine was offered a college position, full time Assistant Professor teaching their instrument. At the same time, a job offer for teaching HS band was tendered. The HS job paid TWICE what the university offered.

I was having a few beers with some young college musicians, most of whom had at least Master’s Degrees and the rest had Doctorates. I was the lone un-degreed person in the room. I casually asked, “You guys are on the job search trail. What would you reasonably expect to be paid for a full time college teaching gig?” I was SHOCKED at the reply, “About $40,000.” Starbucks pays that here in California for a full time employee.

PUBLIC SCHOOL TEACHER

When I was in school (a hundred years ago), all of us ‘performance majors’ considered this a reasonable “fall back position,” should we not make it in the pro world. Along with practicing 3-4 hours a day, I learned to play the clarinet, bassoon, cello, drums (non-mallet percussion, really), piano, auto harp, and the recorder. I learned how to plot marching band shows, how to conduct basic band repertoire and how to arrange pop tunes for a field band. I took the history of the wind band, history of the symphony orchestra, all the counterpoint classes, 20^th century techniques, form & analysis (Skapski was TOUGH!), and music history out the yin-yang. I even learned to be a copyist, using tips, nibs and vellum. All to be prepared to be a school music teacher.

Have you heard what’s happening to music educators all over the country? Tenure doesn’t mean a thing. If they want to cut corners, and they do, music is one of the first programs to go. If you have tenure, all they have to do is cut the program. No program, no class, no teacher needed. “Thank you and good luck.”

There is a lot of blame being laid on teachers for the lack of success of today’s students. Hey, I see your kid 5 hours a day, what are YOU doing to help your kid? It used to be, “Teacher is always right. Do what teacher says.” Now, if a kid fails, it’s the teacher’s fault. The inmates are running the asylum and the teachers are powerless to do anything. All discipline has been removed from the teachers, and the kids know it. Not to mention the rash of teacher assaults.

Pay: as recently as the 1960’s teachers, lawyers and doctors (the ‘noble’ professions) were paid on about the same level. Qualified college graduates would prepare equally for all three of these professions. With teacher salaries falling WAY behind the other professions, is it any wonder why our best & brightest are going elsewhere? I am not saying that there aren’t some GREAT teachers out there, there are, but MANY bright people are looking elsewhere. With jobs being cut, benefits being reduced, total lack of any authority to do any kind of classroom management, parents blaming teachers for their kids’ failure, and the pay not being commensurate with the tasks required, who in their right mind would want to go into teaching these days? Shrinking budgets, buildings falling into disrepair, instruments purchased in the 1970's, no money for repairs or replacements, music tattered and missing parts.....

PRO PLAYER, ETC.

In a word, fuggedaboudit! There’s no work.

Composer/arranger - For every John Williams composing and arranging film music, there are thousands of composers teaching private piano lessons. The only real hope you have to make a living is if you can write great band literature. Look at the successful models (not limited to these folks) – Ticheli, Ewazen, Camphouse, Stamp, Sparke. There are a few more. If you can’t write as well as these guys, seriously consider other options.

The conducting spots are far and few in between. Professional orchestra conducting is more about who you know, and being in the right place at the right time. You’ll be better off trying to be struck by lightening; you’ll have a better chance of success.

Being a pro player – when Ms. Jantsch won the Philadelphia Orchestra position there were (I was told) 197 candidates applying for the position (PLEASE correct me if I am wrong. I don’t want to seem delusional). I would guess the top FIFTY (or more) were qualified for that level orchestra. I would guess the next fifty would be just great in the job. I bet the next fifty could actually DO the job. Seriously, do you think you could win a position against those odds? Really, I wish you luck, but please, take a healthy dose of reality with your morning Malt-O-Meal. When I was on the audition trail (back in the dark ages), one of the options was being in the service bands. I can’t TELL you how many times I heard, “I can always get into one of the service bands.” Man, has the tide turned on this. Playing in Washington in one of THOSE bands? What a privilege, what luck! Good luck winning one of these gigs. Even the smallest bands, in the remotest areas have GREAT musician/players these days. IF there are openings.

So now, where does this leave this rant?

I have the answer: become a plumber. When the guy rings my doorbell, I pay him $129.95, just to show up. If he looks at my problem and can’t fix it, I pay him for his expertise. If he can actually DO the work, he adds a few bucks the to price of the parts, weedles a cup of excellent coffee outta me and he’s out the door in 20 minutes. If he does 5-7 of these calls a day, his gross income (figuring 5 calls a day, 28 days a month, 10 months a year) $182,000. Do the math: ((($130 x 5 calls) x 28 days a month) x 10 months).

But I LOVE playing my instrument!

You can still be out playing your instrument 5-6 nights a week. There are tons of community bands & orchestras. Chamber music is BOOMING. In our small area there are TWO British-Style Brass bands. Here in the San José area, there are a dozen community theaters producing shows. NO problem addressing your creative needs.

As always, your comments are most welcome.

New Music Blog

I love playing and hearing new music, and sponsoring new music contests. One of the most exciting things in which I find myself involved, is new music. As I write this, there are EIGHT brass players sitting right next to me playing new music written in the last few months. Imagine being the first people to hear a BRAND NEW WORK. I sponsor a composition contest each year for brass chamber music. So far, we have generated over 300 new works for brass chamber music. The prize fund is $3,500. We have received entries from Japan, China, Korea, New Zealand, Australia, Brazil, Peru, Iceland, England, Finland, France, Italy, Germany, Portugal, Spain, Russia, Austria, Romania, Canada, Estonia and, of course, the US. Some of this stuff is really great!

The other thing I like is paying composers for their music. Like many freelance professionals, many composers & arrangers write stuff and don’t see much in the way of remuneration for their talent, hard work and intellectual product. Many people who play music (especially chamber music) think nothing of Xeroxing® parts. This screws ALL of us. If composers, arrangers and publishers don’t get compensated for their work, what is their incentive to continue to do so? We need to commission new works, hire arrangers to write charts for us, and most importantly, BUY MUSIC from publishers. I imagine a budding Mozart somewhere working fast food, because she, or he, can’t make money composing.

I only have one problem I am overcoming right now: Music Rentals. I will NOT rent music. I don’t care if it is the greatest work ever written, I HATE rentals. I will pay composers, arrangers and publishers for the music, but do NOT ask me for a rental fee. Recently, I decided to do a work with my Wind Orchestra (http://www.ohlonewindorchestra.org/). I contacted the composer with unbridled enthusiasm for the wonderful work and the opportunity to play really great music. He said, “Thank you very much. You can call so & so to rent the parts.” “No, I don’t rent music.” “Well the only way you can play the music is if you rent the parts,” was the reply. “I don’t rent music,” was mine. To make a long story short(er), we were at an impasse. Finally, I said, “Look, you are a composer. I like your music, and want to perform it. Don’t you WANT to have your music played? Please, I would like to give you money for your music, fine musicians will play it and enjoy the experience, and it’ll get played in public where many people will hear it. Doesn’t this sound like a good deal?” Bear in mind, at this time we weren’t negotiating a price, I didn’t care. I just wanted to BUY THE MUSIC. You know, I give you money; you give me music. Sounds pretty simple, no?

I digress -

So where are the really great composers hanging out these days? There are choice few making money in the film industry; Williams, Courage, Horner, Goldsmith, Broughton, you know the names. There are some wonderful composers writing for TV. One with whom I went to school, Jeff Rona, is extremely successful. And another I know from my summer at Disneyland, Mark Wolfram, is also doing VERY well. Where are the others? Writing for winds (band). Let’s say a composer is lucky enough to get a commission from a prestigious orchestra (i.e. LA, NY, Chicago, SF), the work might get one playing, or if it is a really outstanding work, it might get picked up in the pipeline and get a second playing with another orchestra. Write one decent band piece and it gets played at Midwest, or CBDNA and the composer sells thousands of copies. EVERY wind conductor I know owns Frank Ticheli’s Amazing Grace.

I LOVED playing the Cabrillo Festival, in Santa Cruz, California. In two weeks, that orchestra plays 30 new works (I would guess). For me, this was Nirvana. All that new music!!

With orchestras all over the US closing shop, it is time for us to try something different. Instead of playing music by a bunch of dead, white guys, maybe we can play some NEW music.

Waddya think?? I’d love to get your opinions on this……

Why we need the Arts in School

Recently I read an article that had me thinking:

http://gothamschools.org/2010/12/22/to-turn-her-middle-school-around-a-principal-invests-in-the-arts/

And thought about another article I had read:

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=hearing-the-music-honing

All the musicians and music educators I know accept this and other articles, as fact. Why is it that with this knowledge, school administrators continue to give the arts the axe, and insist on teaching to the test instead of educating our young Americans? To me, it seems like it’s the old “teach a man to fish” story. If the students garner the correct skills required, they should be able to excel at testing. They won’t garner the required skills by preparing for testing. You know that, I know that, why doesn’t the upper echelons know that?

There are a shocking number of students simply skipping school. They won’t learn, if they are not there. One of the best districts in my area, Palo Alto, reports a 70% truancy rate:

http://www.paloaltoonline.com/news/show_story.php?id=11100

WHAT?? What is really shocking is that is just 44% higher than the state AVERAGE. State average is 26%. So our students are absent ¼ of the time, on average.

In my mind, the obvious question is NOT, “What can we do to get our test scores up?” but rather, “What can we do to get our kids to school?” I got news for you, it won’t happen by strong-armed tactics. It won’t happen by fining the parents. It won’t happen by sending a truant officer to scoop up the ditchers. We have to make the kids WANT to attend school. The 3 R’s alone ain’t gonna do it.

I know the answer since I am the POSTER CHILD of why we need the arts in school. I hated school. I hated getting up early; I hated trudging through the snow. I hated what is now called “terrorist activities” (we called it playground fights). I hated English. I hated social studies. I had a mild interest in science and math (only because there were really cute girls in my math classes). What MADE me want to go to school? Band, orchestra and chorus. THAT’S IT. I only got good grades in my solids, because the result was I would have gotten booted from band. The odd thing, to pass my classes, I had to study and keep my grades up. And oddly, I learned how to read, write and I am pretty good at math (can’t do trig or calculus, though). I can actually spell without a spell checker (this doc proves it!).

In high school, after I moved to California, I learned right away that I was getting a sub-standard education (NY is #2, Calif is #7 from the bottom). So I checked out. I hated, HATED high school. Where my mother dragged me to church, the masses were in Spanish, there were no Italians, I got bullied by some of the cowboys & Mexicans, and my Brooklyn accent all but made me an outcast. And I dressed weird. I liked getting dressed in “school clothes,” all the Oakies dressed in “dungarees” and t-shirts. But, boy, could I play the tuba! Thomas Downey HS in Modesto had an award-winning band, choirs that always got Command Performances and a really wonderful and eccentric orchestra conductor. When some of the stoner friends I made in French class, or math said, “Let’s ditch school.” My answer was always, “But I’ll miss BAND.” Stoner: “Tony, let’s go to the lake. We’ll take a few girls, get some beer….” Tony: “But I’ll miss band.” Different Stoner: “Dude, lets go get high.” Tony: “But, I’ll miss rehearsal.” OTHER stoner: “Man, I scored some great weed. We’re going to Modesto Reservoir Saturday.” Tony: “I have Marching band.” See a trend here?

Here’s another true-life story: Once there was this Jr Hi kid. In all kindness, he was just a big, fat, dumb kid. No one paid him much attention. He went to school, stayed out of trouble, got average grades. He was totally unremarkable. He played ‘the drum’ in band. Well, his band director pulls out a tune, “Surfin’ Safari.” It was a Jr Hi band arrangement of some 1960’s surfer tunes. In this tune, was the inevitable “Wipe Out” drum solo. Dutifully, the kid goes over to the drum set and plays the solo, THEE solo for all of us drummer wannabes. The Holy Grail, of drum solos (this was before “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” and “Toad”). The kid does ok, and goes to back to class, another unremarkable day. The band schedules a school assembly, on which “Surfin’ Safari” will be performed. The band plays the assembly, and now suddenly, this kid is a hero. EVERYONE on campus knows who this kid is. People hang out with him, girls notice him, his teachers acknowledge his accomplishment. Grades go up, weight goes down, self-esteem up, and this kid is a new man. In HS, he goes on to marching band where he ultimately becomes a drum major and ends his HS career on the Honor Roll. Where would this kid have ended up without 16 measures of drum solo?

Where would I have ended up? I thank GOD every night for High School band.

The other thing: the lifelong friends with whom I have the most affection, and with whom I have kept in touch, were my band friends. As young adults, we need a place to fit in; a group of scared, inquisitive friends with whom we could huddle together and feel safe. Band was that for me. Not math, Not English, not social studies. My lifelong friends are band, orchestra and drama people.

We need the arts. Now get out there and tell EVERYBODY! Hold our elected officials accountable. Go to Sacramento (like the bikers!) and raise a fuss. Vote out the incumbents and vote in those administrators that promise to fund the arts. Get your parents to write letters to these fat butt superintendents that slash the programs that WILL keep kids in school. It’s all in our hands.

20 Random (RANDOM!) Thoughts

1 - I haven't seen a decent conductor in about 3 years.

2 - My favorite ice cream is vanilla from Dairy Queen.

3 - Hot Dog, or Hamburger? One of each, please.

4 - I have driven my car only ONCE (to the car wash) since I bought that silly van.

5 - I REALLY miss my little Sam. As cute as Lena is, I think about Sam every day.

6 - CC or F; I can't really make up my mind. F, I think. No CC.

7 - If I had enough money, I'd move to Switzerland, tomorrow, or Japan.

8 - I just don't get how people can like football. I just don't get it. Forget about soccer. At least in Hockey & Lacrosse, every one's armed.

9 - iPhone 4.0? Not until they figure out the antenna problem.

10 - I shoulda worked harder at baseball. With all the crappy pitching in the major leagues, I'm POSITIVE I could have made it. To AAA at least.

11 - F**k you, Chirco.

12 - FB has been great for me. I have made so MANY connections, it boggles my mind.

13 - I have an opportunity to go to China next May, but it means getting on an airplane. I may not go.

14 - Star Trek or Star Wars? I can't get enough of 'em.

15 - A Slice of NY on Stevens Creek Blvd has the ONLY decent cannoli I've tasted. La Villa Deli in Willow Glen is a close second (See you Sunday!).

16 - I wish I could get on a train for a month and not get off.

17 - If I were a rich man, I'd hire a cook, a dental hygienist, a chauffeur, a barber and a housekeeper to take care of all the crap I hate doing. Oh, and a masseuse for the obvious.

18 - Making music has GOT to be the best endeavor, except being a chocolatier.

19 - I wish I had more time to read. I have 5 books waiting for me on the shelf. AND I want to reread ALL of the Dune books. All 13 of them.

20 - I wonder what I'll have for dinner?

Conductor Blog

Since I’ve seen a few more conductors than usual the past couple of weeks, I thought I’d share a couple of conductor stories. The names, dates and orchestras will not be revealed because I don’t want to embarrass anybody. But you know who you are!

Conductors are like baseball managers, but backwards. If a ball team is doing poorly, it’s crappy managing. If they are doing well, it’s because they have great players. When an orchestra plays well, I hear, “Wow, that -insert name of conductor here- makes that orchestra sound great.” When the conductor screws up and CAUSES problems in the orchestra, I hear, “Man, the orchestra doesn’t sound very good. What’s wrong with those players?”

In defense of conductors, it is a very hard skill to master. But in the (paraphrased) words of my friend Danny Leeson, “A difficult task does not relieve the person of the responsibility of excellent performance.” Did I get that right, Dan? When a ball player doesn’t hit, he gets traded.

Story #1 – Years ago, I was playing a performance of “Daphnes & Cloe.” In the second suite, when the orchestra is blazing along in 5/4, there is a whirlwind of action; truly a great moment in impressionistic music. Well this conductor starts rushing and in short order, the piece starts unraveling. There are a couple of double forte trombone bursts that I can only describe here as “BOP-ba-da!” Thank God I didn’t play there. As I looked over to my trombone colleagues, I see the ‘deer in headlight eyes’ that we have all witnessed before in a spot like that. They all three had their horns up, ready to go, and out comes one little “boop.” I HAD to put my head down because I just started laughing out loud. “Boop.” I STILL laugh when I think of that.

Story #2 – The Turtle Island String Quartet was the guest for a Pops concert, I think, or maybe a Light Classics. These guys have GREAT time; you can calibrate your metronome to their rhythmic integrity. At the rehearsal, we are playing along and the conductor (not the same person) starts rushing. As you can imagine the piece starts coming apart. The conductor (I’m not saying gender here) stops and tells the Turtles, “You are rushing.” This person is telling The Turtle Island String Quartet they are rushing.

Story #2a, same concert – We are playing a suite of Duke Ellington tunes. The conductor never gets into a grove. The conductor tells Kent Reed, our great drummer, that he is rushing. KENT REED, MISTER time! The whole orchestra IN UNISON yells, “NOOOO!” The stick couldn’t have CUED it better. A GREAT moment in orchestra history. Kent is one of the TASTIEST drummers I know. He is set up right behind me. At the concert at that point of the music where Mister Stick “corrects” Kent, Kent lays into the bass drum, “BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM!” on every beat. Like story #1, I’m STILL laughing.

Story #3 – New World Symphony, Second Movement starts with a trombone/tuba chorale. The Stick brings both arms up in the air and S-L-O-W-L-Y. Brings them down. No sound. “Trombones, why didn’t you play?” The stick asks incredulously. The Stick does it again. No Prep, no beat, 4 entrances, typical response in this situation. “Trombones, you must watch my beat.” Again, same result, same incredulous look from Doctor Beat. Finally, we decide to listen to Bob Szabo (Principal Trombone) breathe and go with him. Stick, UUUUp, Downnnn, here’s the breath, PERFECT entrance. Stick happy, tubist laughing … again.

Story #4 – Carmina Burana. There is this wonderful sound that tubists & trombonists can make. I’ll call it here, for this purpose a DOINT. You play a note, then raise your tongue slowly to the top of your mouth and touch the top teeth. The movement with the high bassoon solo has these short muted trombone notes on beats 2 & 3. The Conductor wasn’t happy with the way trombonists were playing these notes. In typical crappy conductor fashion, The Stick did not have the vocabulary to describe adequately what he/she wanted. In frustration one (or more) of the trombonists went “DOINT.” The Conductor’s eyes lit up, “THAT’S IT! THAT’S what I want.” Tubist laughing … again.

Story #5 – Piece long forgotten. Conductor, who was not very fond of brass, keeps asking for low brass to play softer & softer. I can honestly say that my colleagues can play pretty damned soft. It is an immense source of pride for me that I can play very softly. I practice some soft playing every day so I can maintain a clear, focused, warm sound in the most extreme, softest dynamic levels. We’re playing in the piano range (music marked MEZZO piano). “Trombones (which I have come to understand means “Tuba, you too!”) Play softer.” We do as we are told. “Softer.” Again, we comply. “MORE!” At which time, we lift our horns and are SILENT! Honest to God, we didn’t even play a note, but did our best Milli Vanilli impression. We got the thumbs up sign and when Dr. Stick stopped, the comment was, “Trombones, that balance was perfect.”

Story #6 – Guest conductor, who I found out later was the WRONG conductor hired because the name was the same as the conductor who was SUPPOSED to get hired. We’re playing Wagner, WAGNER for God’s sake. The part is marked FF! When Wagner marks FF in low brass parts, he wants it loud. Am I right here? The conductor says, “Tuba, play softer.” I comply. It is totally possible that I was a bit carried away and was playing too loudly. “Tuba, play softer.” Now, I’m in the mezzo range. “Tuba, play softer.” One of the ONLY times in my career I have mouthed off at a conductor. I said (yes, disrespectfully), “It’s marked double forte.” “It’s still too loud!” was the reply. Honestly, I WAS in the piano range by this time, honestly. I was playing so softly by this time that I could barely hear myself. The next time through, I just put my horn down; I left the part out. For the concert, I brought my smallest F tuba to play the part so I could play softer still. As I was warming up on stage before the concert, Maestro Dickhead comes up to me and tries to engage me in a discussion, asking me about my horn (EVERYONE know what a horn geek I am) and all I could get out was, “I hope THIS tuba is soft enough for you.” At the performance, the conductor looks my way to give me a cue (first time I was cued all week) at that part and I put my horn down. Next night, I brought the B.A.T., I was totally ignored and I blew my ass off. Prick.

Story #7 - We are rehearsing and I look over to the horn section. One of them is reading the paper. The paper is WIDE open, draped over the stand. It is hanging over the top of the stand and out both sides. The player is intently attending to the news, horn in lap. The conductor asks, “Second horn, are you reading the paper?” Second horn: “NO!” Tubist STILL laughing!!!

I am SURE you have a conductor story or two. Care to share?

Train Blog

Travelling by train has become somewhat of a passion for me lately. EVERY time I get on the train, I don’t want to get off. The last trip, coming home from Seattle, I just wanted to stay on the train to LA, and then turn around and come back. If I didn’t have to work, I would have done just that.

This discussion centers on the assumption that I am getting a sleeper car. While the coach seats are more comfortable and roomier than on an airplane, I haven’t travelled coach since I was 18 years old. It is an inexpensive alternative to air travel, and infinitely better than taking the bus (motorcoach).

There are 4 different types of sleeper compartment; they can be found here:

http://www.amtrak.com/servlet/ContentServer?c=AM_Content_C&pagename=am%2FLayout&cid=1241267399802

When I am alone, or if 2 people don’t mind being a little cramped, the roomette is fine for most trips. For longer trips (or if I can get a cheap upgrade) I’d go for the Bedroom. Once I got upgraded to the family room.

Typically, I pack a suitcase that I check for all my needs at my destination and I take one carry on type of bag for my train needs. If you want some good tips for travelling by train, go here:

http://www.gomovers.com/amtrak-sleeping-accomodations.html

Or here:

http://www.zephyrtravel.us/RRTIPS.HTM

Train travel is not cheap. Round trip to the east coast can easily cost you about $2,000 the trip takes about 4 days, one way. But if you calculate accommodations for 8 days (like you are in a hotel), and 24 meals (8 days x 3 meals), factor in transportation, you are right in the ballpark.

Dining on the train can be good or bad. Here is a sample menu:

http://www.trainweb.com/travel/general/menu.html

The meals are pretty good, considering. Side salads are of the ‘crappy’ variety.

As much as I love the train, here is a differing opinion:

http://www1.epinions.com/trvl-review-2A25-30131E8-38C596A3-bd3

There are a couple of things you have to remember when taking the train:

1 – It’ll probably be late

2 – You CANNOT be in a hurry

3 – It’ll probably be late

4 – If you have to make a connection, make sure there is at least 3-5 hours layover. The longer the leg, the more hang time you should build in.

5 – It’ll probably be late.

Remember, Amtrak does not OWN the tracks, Southern Pacific, or Union Pacific, or Burlington Northern does. Freight takes precedent over passengers. It is entirely possible that you may get sidetracked 2-3 hours while a freight train uses the tracks.

Once taking the Sunset Limited:

http://www.amtrak.com/servlet/ContentServer/AM_Route_C/1241245650939/1237405732511

There were 15-20 people leaving out of Jacksonville, FL for a Caribbean Cruise. The Sunset was 12 hours late; they missed their boat. Too bad, sorry. SOMEONE should have told those people to plan on getting into Florida a day early and just hang out. Instead all these people lost out. Maybe they charted a boat to meet up with their cruise at the first port of call, but who needs that headache. Did I mention that it’ll probably be late? In Amtrak’s defense, their on time rating has much improved lately. You can go here to check that:

http://www.amtrakdelays.onlineschedulingsoftware.com/

There are problems travelling no matter WHAT you mode of transportation. Here is a brief discussion of problems I have had:

1 – Taking the Coast Starlight to LA. I was bringing a tuba to LA for repairs. I was 8 hours late. Getting a rental car at 2 AM is challenging. No sleeper this time. It was only SUPPOSED to take 11 hours.

2 – Sunset Limited CA to Florida. As mentioned above, due to being sidetracked for freight, 12 hours late. Since I planned on a late arrival it was no big deal for us.

3 – Sunset Limited Florida to CA. This leg was fraught with problems:

a. A hurricane came through and broke the tracks (they are STILL not repaired). They (Amtrak) wanted to put us on a bus from Orlando to New Orleans. 18 hours on a firkin’ bus? No thanks! I rented a HUGE American automobile and drove right through the hurricane. We got to New Orleans a day ahead of the train. Had a wonderful dinner and hung out on Bourbon Street. The refund covered the car rental, the hotel and the dinner. I think I ended up with $35.

b. In the middle of Texas, we hit someone on the tracks. HIT SOMEONE! How the hell does a train in the middle of the desert hit you? We had to wait 8 hours for the coroner to get there. They took some time with the investigation and then we were on our way.

c. Said train was SO late, that in Barstow, they put us on a bus to help us catch the Coast Starlight north. We caught up with it in Santa Barbara (I didn’t build lateness into this leg of the trip)

4 – Last April, on my round trip to Rhode Island, I built in a 4-hour lay over, from CA to Chicago. We got in with one minute to spare. They held the Capitol Limited 15 minutes for the 20 of us that had to make the connection. I had already lined up a rental car to meet the Cap In South Bend, or Elkhart, or Waterloo, IN. Also, there was a chance I could have gotten on the Lakeshore, directly to NY.

So, dear readers, when taking the train, you must remember a couple of things:

1 – It’ll probably be late

2 – You CANNOT be in a hurry.

3 – You’ll meet some cool people at dinner, especially if you put out a little effort

4 – bring plenty to read, or your laptop to watch a movie

5 – Build in plenty of hang time if you have to make connections. If you are taking one of the cross country runs, like the CA Zephyr, or the Sunset Limited or the Empire builder and are taking a train to the beginning of the run. Get there early, like maybe the night before.

Did I mention that you would probably be late?

Why I don't fly

Recently, I have been travelling by train and the obvious question comes up: “Why don’t you just fly?”

Rather than writing a diatribe, I’ll LIST the reasons and we can discuss them at some length in the future. Here’s my list. My reasons are not JUST limited to this list, because I may leave one (or more) off; CRS disease, you know. Here goes:

1 – Erosion of personal freedom. Really, I have to remove my belt AND shoes? What’s up with that? If they randomly select someone to search, I’m the guy. I’m American and Italian. I’m not a religious zealot. I was born Catholic and haven’t been to church in years. I wouldn’t even know HOW to make an explosive device. The closest I came was blowing up my model cars with Cat’s Eyes™ firecrackers. I was 10 at the time.

2 - Long lines waiting to get through security. Once, I flew from Denver to San Jose. I was waiting in line longer than I was in the air. 90 minutes versus 55 minutes.

3 – The seats are SO comfortable. Need I say more?

4 – I ALWAYS get sick. SOMEONE on board is sick and the recirculated air gets to ME.

5 – How come I can’t bring water on board? And please, may I have the whole 12 oz. of soda, instead of the ½ can.

6 – God forbid if I should get hungry during the flight (see #5 above). If I can’t bring water, what makes you think they will let me bring a sandwich?

7 – The flight attendants are SO happy to be there. I understand that this job is very difficult and I realize many of these young women, especially, probably get hit on by every jerk getting on the plane, but please don’t assume I am one of those guys. I’m not. Is it SO hard to be polite?

8 – That bratty kid that kicks the seat is ALWAYS right behind me. And the woman is holding the crying baby with the bratty 3-yr old. Last time I flew, I told the woman with the kid, “If that brat kicks my seat once more, I’m going to slap YOU!” The kicking stopped.

9 – Don’t know about the tuba. Sometimes they flat out won’t take it. Years ago, I flew to Pennsylvania to play a gig. The tuba got TO Pennsy ok, but on the way back, they weren’t going to take it. The security guy made all sorts of lame excuses why he couldn’t take the tuba. Finally, I bribed him. I slipped him $50 and the horn got right on board.

10 – Why, if there is a problem, do we have to wait IN the plane for the situation to be cleared up? Recently, a friend of mine told me she sat in a plane for over 2 hours. Couldn’t they bring the passengers back to the terminal, liquor them up for their trouble and re-board later?

11 – Why do I have to get to the airport 2 hours early? Can someone PLEASE explain this to me? ESPECIALLY when so many flights are delayed anyway.

12 – Customer SERVICE? HA, that’s a joke!

13 – I hate flying. Not the LEAST of my worries. If a motorcycle fails, you coast to a stop, same with a car. If a plane fails, you drop out of the sky like a rock. Two of my very best friends EVER were killed in plane crashes. My life is greatly diminished because of these two losses. I will NEVER get over the loss of Vic, NEVER. I miss him every day.

And there you have it. Discuss amongst yourselves.